Odds and Ends

Jun 30






Um, actually, it’s for aromantic people (like me) who don’t want to have a romantic relationship with anyone but would still very much like to have lifelong companionship, like a platonic lifepartner. It’s slightly more complicated than that, but if a straight person is aromantic, I don’t see why they can’t also use this term to describe themselves.

look queer is a word of oppression and violence that has been reclaimed by the people it has been used to harm and denigrate and oppress. that doesn’t include straight people.

i don’t believe that love or sex are necessary to make a person whole, or that aro/asexual people are faking it or that these aren’t legitimate or important identities and communities, but that doesn’t make it okay for straight people to use the word queer. if a slur hasn’t been used against you and yours, you don’t have the right to reclaim it, even if your particular version of straightness doesn’t fit in the nuclear-family husband wife missionary sex leading to kids model

if a person identifies as straight, they are not queer and neither are their relationships. aromantic but homo/bi/pansexual? sure. asexual but homo/bi/panromantic? absolutely! hell, if they’re aromantic and asexual and decidedly not straight, I’m even cool with that. but if someone uses the word straight to describe themselves, if straight is how they identify, the word “queer” is not for them. I understand the need to have a word to name something that is unique to your experience and I appreciate that some people would not want to call these relationships “friendships”, but if that’s the case, then they need to find a word that doesn’t include the slur queer.

I think you misunderstand who I’m trying to defend. I’m not trying to say that straight people who use it for their “very very best friend” should be using it at all. I’m defending aromantics of any orientation. Aromantics use this term because it accurately describes the platonic life partnership they might desire with another person, regardless of gender. I myself am pansexual and genderfluid, but I might feel compelled to enter such a partnership with someone who is cishet because for aromantics, sex and romance have nothing to do with it. The reason that these relationships are important to aro people is that we get all of our emotional needs met by our friends. The problem with that, is the majority of my friends are romantic, and end up settling down with a partner. Just because I don’t want romance doesn’t mean I don’t need companionship, or would like to have someone with me who would make me a priority. I’m not saying that aromantic people are more oppressed than LGBT people or that aromantic people are more important. But in a world where romantic love is upheld as the be-all/end-all and we are constantly bombarded by romantic ideals, aromantics do have problems in society and feel marginalized in some ways. Even straight aromantic people can feel that way. So I guess what’s up for debate is “are aromantic people queer?” As someone who is aromantic, I vote “yes.”






The weirdest thing is that people talk about “coming out” as if it’s this big momentous thing that only happens once while in actual fact it’s something that you do almost every single day every time you talk to a new person every time you’re in a new situation you’re constantly weighing your options, the ability to be your true self vs the advantages of being a false self and honestly it’s so fucking exhausting

(via zahnie)


“you can live on minimum wage” —  people who don’t have to (via thelordofthebuttz)

(Source: edwrad, via jaidonilwells-deactivated201407)